I came across the inside-out understanding by pure chance when I contacted a life coach. Three days before I found myself on a motorway bridge.. It was the closest you can get to dying but something stopped me at the last minute …I knew I needed to make a change.
Within four days of my first appointment with my life coach Wyn Morgan (one of Michael’s graduates) I sent him this text, ‘Basically been blocking all thoughts that I think, my brain is thinking so much less.. There are times when I catch myself not thinking anything and just smiling… That’s fantastic on its own also I’m in less pain.. I haven’t taken pain or anxiety meds for 3 days. Can you think pain??.. Does that make sense? It’s great!! Just weird!! ;-) No self-harm either and went all day today without even thinking about it! I have lots of questions. See you next Sunday. Thanks’
Life changed even more dramatically over the next couple of weeks, the more I realised that all my thoughts are making my reality, not the other way round which I thought before, I took that to mean I’m making it all up – these profound changes included leaving my partner of 8 years and stopping all self-destructive behaviors including self-harm involving suicide attempts, cutting with blades, dangerous sexual encounters, binge eating & occasional bouts of bulimia.
Also I have lost 2 ½ stone in 5 months, I put this down to reducing strong psychiatric medications under Mental Health. Three weeks and I will be off all medication, going to the gym and living back with my parent’s as well as eating because my body needs food, not because of my emotions.
Physical changes seemed easier when I understood they were only a perception of my thoughts – emotions they took a bit longer. So over the next couple of months and with kindness and patience from my coach, every session I went in with an emotion, and came out with new insight. Anger, Paranoia, Emptiness, Trust, Abandonment, Rejection, Impulsiveness, Attention seeking and Neediness – gone when I realized it was just my thinking! I can forgive myself and people for the things they did to me and have better relationships with my current friends, collegues and members of the public.
Feeling great and fixed, I decided about a month ago, I wanted to go into coaching to help other people as stuck as I was and hopefully to change the NHS (long term goal). Wyn suggested I go to Michael Neill’s Masterclass in London.. That weekend was the biggest breakthrough, with insights I still can’t put into words.. but I believe 100% that there was never anything wrong with me, I never needed to be fixed, it set me free. I’m not saying I do not get negative thoughts, but the difference is I know they will pass without me doing anything with them, just by going quiet and knowing that the peace, clarity, resilience, happiness – our innate feeling will come back eventually, actually its coming back quicker and quicker! What does this mean? It means I can’t go backwards! This theory is the only thing that works… it answers all my questions and all the times I try to prove it wrong, it doesn’t work. I have stopped doing that too. I have a feeling that my insights are not going to stop anytime soon.. but life is wonderful.
Learning about the inside out understanding as given me confidence for the first time in my life and with learning effective assertiveness, nothing now seems impossible as it did before, I am just able to do things, I couln’t even believe were possible and enjoy and have fun with an ever increasing self esteem! Fantastic!! The best thing is I love myself for the first time – this started almost immediately but continues to get stronger every day. The more connection I have with myself the less I need anything externally. I have started to get connected with my wisdom as well, that’s a strange feeling…it like a deep down in your stomach thought.. that’s the best way I have to describe it anyway. This understanding really has changed my life!